


Eyes of Jade

by JEB_892



Series: Eyes of Gemstones [1]
Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Artistic Clarke, Clexa Endgame, Clexa High School AU, Comedy, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, High School Clarke and Lexa, Lexa Lives, References to Depression, Romance, Suicide Attempt, alternate universe - the 100, nerdy clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-04-07 17:37:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14086113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JEB_892/pseuds/JEB_892
Summary: This is my first fan fiction, and it is also Part 1 of the "Eyes of Gemstones" series. In this part of the series, Clarke and Lexa meet in their senior year of high school, and together they navigate through the ups and downs of their teenage years. Though there are many bumps in the road, Clexa will be ENDGAME in this series; no Jason Rothenberg here to destroy everything. ;)





	1. Preface/Character Descriptions

**Preface/Background Information**

**Characters:** _Clarke Griffin (Main Character), Lexa Woods (Main Character), Finn Collins, Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake, Lincoln Whittle, Abigail Griffin, Jake Griffin, Marcus Kane, Anya Woods._

**Clarke Griffin** is an 18 year old senior at Arkadia High School. She has a very kind and compassionate personality, but struggles with her own battle with depression. Her father died in a car crash when she was a young teenager. Her ex-boyfriend, Finn Collins, broke up with her when she came out as bisexual. Her mom also doesn’t accept her sexuality and can be quite homophobic at times. Her main hobbies are art and anything that has to do with astronomy. Clarke stands at about 5’5” and has medium blond hair with blue eyes.

 **Lexa Woods** is also an 18 year old senior at Arkadia High School. She’s very kind and brave, but is also very reserved. She doesn’t really have many friends at Arkadia High, so she just keeps to herself a lot of the time. She enjoys making music and exercising in her spare time. Lexa shares an apartment with her sister, Anya, since they decided to leave the struggles of her past home life in Los Angeles. Lexa stands at about 5’7” and her sexuality is Lesbian. She has a very slim but built figure and has green eyes, brown hair, and full lips.

 **Finn Collins** is Clarke’s ex-boyfriend and an antagonist in this story. He’s fairly homophobic and overall not a very nice person. He’s 20 years old and is a freshman in college. He has long-ish brown hair and brown eyes and he stands at around 5’10”.

 **Raven Reyes** is a 19 year old senior at Arkadia High School. She enjoys making music and working with tech. Raven stands at about 5’6” and has tan skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. She is best friends with Octavia Blake, another student at Arkadia.

 **Octavia Blake** is a 17 year old junior at Arkadia High School and is Bellamy’s younger sister. Octavia is a very rebellious teenager and loves to party. She currently lives with her brother and her parents in a house in Arkadia. Octavia stands at about 5’6” and has black hair, green eyes, and a very sharp jawline and broad shoulders.

 **Bellamy Blake** is a 19 year old male who is a senior at Arkadia High. He is good friends with both Lexa and Clarke and is Octavia’s brother. He stands at about 6’0” and has short/medium black hair, dark brown eyes, muscular body, and a short beard.

 **Lincoln Whittle** is an 18 year old senior at Arkadia High. He is Octavia’s boyfriend and an athlete. He is a star soccer player and has been offered many scholarships by different colleges to play soccer for them. Lincoln stands at about 6’2” and he has tan skin, a shaved Mohawk, and a short beard. He also sports quite a few tattoos on his arms and chest and has a very muscular body.

 **Abigail Griffin** is Clarke’s mom. She is 45 years old and has blondish hair and brown eyes. She works as a doctor at Arkadia Hospital. She typically prefers go to by “Abby,” rather than “Abigail.” Abby stands at about 5’4” and has a thin build.

 **Jake Griffin** is Clarke Griffin’s deceased father and Abigail’s former husband. Despite his intimidating looks, Jake had a very sweet personality and was highly accepting of Clarke’s bisexuality. Jake was about 6’1” and had dark blond hair, blue eyes, and a stubbly beard.

 **Marcus Kane** is the History teacher at Arkadia High. He is 47 years old and has a regular build. Marcus stands at 5’11” and has black hair, brown eyes, and a fairly scruffy beard.

 **Anya Woods** is Lexa’s older sister. She is 21 years old and works as a martial arts instructor at Arkadia Dojo. Anya stands at 5’8” and has light brown hair and brown eyes.

 **Setting:** This story is mainly set in a small, rural town in southern Alabama called Arkadia.


	2. The Mysterious Eyes of Jade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Welcome to my fan fiction! This is the first fic I've ever written in my entire life, so I apologize in advance if I do something incorrectly. Please do let me know in the comments if there is something that I can do to make the fiction better! Your opinions help me a lot, so make sure to let me know what you think! Enjoy! :)
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING*** - Throughout this series, there are quite a few mentions of things like depression, suicide/attempted suicide, and self-harm. If any of these topics triggers you, I advise that you click off of this fan fiction.
> 
> Also, some things to know:  
> 1) Lexa or Clarke will NOT die in this series, since Jason has done enough damage to us as it is. D:  
> 2) Clexa is ENDGAME.  
> 3) Most Chapters will be between 1000-3000 Words.

_\---------- September 24th, 2012 ----------_

_"I wonder if anyone would care if I died.”_ Clarke thought to herself as she stood over the school bathroom sink, watching the reflection of the warm tears streaming down her face. Clarke had decided that she just could not take life anymore. Her mom hated her, her boyfriend broke up with her just recently, and her deceased father was still haunting her dreams. She thought back a few days ago to the conversation she had with Finn when he broke up with her:

_Clarke sat in the booth anxiously, waiting for Finn at the local diner in Arkadia. She stared outside at the raindrops pattering softly against the lightly fogged window. After about 5 minutes, Clarke heard the sound of a diesel pulling in the parking lot. When she looked, she saw Finn in his rusty Ford truck parking in one of the parking spaces. As soon as she heard the bells attached to the door ring, Clarke looked over and saw Finn walking into the diner. “Hey babe! What’s up?” Finn said as he kissed Clarke and sat in the booth seat across from her at the local diner. “Hey! Um so I assume you got my text message about how we need to talk?” Clarke asked nervously while she took a sip of her soda. “Yeah I did. Is something going on?” Finn asked with an intrigued look on his face. “Yeah I’m fine. I just have something I have to confess to you before we go any further in our relationship.” Said Clarke as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Okay, well then go ahead and spit it out.” Said Finn a bit impatiently as he crossed his arms. “Okay I may as well just get it out now… um I’m bisexual.” Whispered Clarke shakily. Clarke was about to say something when all of the sudden, Finn burst out laughing. “What’s funny?” asked Clarke highly confused. “Well played Clarke… you called me all the way to this diner just to tell me a joke!” exclaimed Finn while still laughing hysterically. “Finn, I’m serious.” The Blonde said with a solemn expression. The second that Finn observed Clarke’s stern expression, he stopped laughing immediately and his face grew pale. “Hold on… you’re actually serious?!” questioned Finn loudly with a somewhat angry expression. “Yes, Finn. I am.” Stated Clarke. “What the hell? Do you know how disgusting that is?!” asked Finn with a raised voice, “I’m sorry, but I can’t date some dyke that likes to fuck other chicks.” Stated Finn as he stood up and left the diner irately._

Trying to shake that horrible thought out of her head, she glanced over at her backpack resting on the counter next to her. Lost in the madness of her thoughts and depressing memories, Clarke unzipped the top pocket of her backpack. After a bit of searching, she found what she was looking for: The razor blade she had brought with her to school.

She thought once more about how no one in her life seemed to accept her for who she was. She recollected the time when her mom freaked out on her when she came out, along with the time that her mom threatened her girlfriend at the time, Niylah, into breaking up with Clarke her freshman year. Clarke vividly remembered the day when she was having what seemed to be the best day of her life, only for it to be ruined by being told that her father wouldn’t be coming home. She pictured him driving across that intersection and that drunk driver running the red light and colliding right into her father’s car, killing him instantly. The thought of her father’s death was the one that crushed her the most. Her dad was one of the only ones in her life that was accepting and supportive of her sexuality. He was the one person that she knew she could go to for anything, since he would always be there for her with open arms no matter what. It pushed her a lot deeper into her depression when he was suddenly ripped away from her in an instant. As a result of all of this, Clarke would go for days without getting out of the bed except to use the bathroom or shower. Even though she had one of the most brilliant minds in her school, her deep-running sadness and resentment began to reflect in her grades. She went from easy straight A’s to having to beg her teachers for extra credit so she could pass the class. One of the worst effects was that she stopped painting; she stopped doing one of the main things that brought her happiness and helped her to get away from the world for a little bit. Her deep depression caused her to no longer have the motivation to do anything and it robbed the creativity from Clarke. All of these thoughts made her hate herself even more than she already did.

Staring at her hands, she fiddled with the razor blade, thinking about what people would think if she killed herself. She imagined the look of regret on her mother’s face at her funeral and the sadness that she would impose on the few friends that she had. Staring deeply into her reflection one last time, she took the razor blade and sliced both of her wrists open vertically. Gasping at the sudden affliction of pain, she began to feel very nauseated and light-headed.

When about 20 seconds passed, her legs gave up from the blood loss and she fell on the cold tile floor of the school bathroom as her vision began to become a haze. Through the blur, she suddenly saw a tall, slender figure appear above her; a woman who had soft, solemn eyes that were the shade of finely polished emeralds, along with full lips and long, beautiful brown hair. What Clarke saw instantly snapped her out of her daze. Clarke had seen this girl in the hallway and in a few of her classes, but couldn’t quite put a name to her face. All she knew is that this is probably the most beautiful woman that she had ever come upon in her entire life. She witnessed the woman ask her something, but Clarke couldn’t hear the sound of the striking brunette’s voice over the volume of the pounding thoughts in her head. As her vision began to fade to black, she observed the gorgeous brunette with the mysterious eyes of jade tearing part of her shirt and quickly but intricately wrapping the pieces of cloth around her wrists as she picked her up and began to carry her.


	3. A Splash of Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally speak to each other for the first time. How will it go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the very excessive amount of dialogue in this chapter. There's some rather emotional parts, but I added some lightheartedness and joking to lighten the mood a little bit. :]
> 
> Another thing: I also rewrote most of this chapter, because I noticed that the original post had some things that didn't quite make sense, so I changed it up.

\-------------------- September 24th, 2012 --------------------

Clarke’s eyes shot open. Squinting her eyes at the sudden infiltration of light, she looked around. All that she saw was white; white hospital bed, white walls, and white floors. Then, as she looked to her left, she spotted a splash of color amidst the blankness. Captivating green eyes stuck out of the void and pierced through the gloomy colorlessness like a stroke of paint on an empty canvas.

After taking a moment to process what she just saw, she recognized the woman as the one who was there with her in the school bathroom right before she passed out. Clarke noticed how the sleeves on the woman’s shirt were partially torn off and looked down at her own wrists, where she noticed the fragments of the torn cloth covering the area that she had sliced earlier.

Looking back up at the mysterious woman, Clarke spoke: “Why did you save me?”

After a few moments of deep thought, the girl replied: “Well, I mean I wasn’t just going to stand there while somebody bled out on the school bathroom floor,” the woman said with a sarcastic smile.

Something about the sound of the girl’s voice made Clarke feel at ease. Her voice was very serene, and it had a very smooth and defined tone to it.

“Valid point… and why are you still here with me? You don’t even know me,” questioned Clarke with a confused look.

“Well I just stayed so you could thank me later when you woke up,” she said jokingly. “No, just kidding. I stayed because you looked like you just needed someone to be there for you,” she said with a smile as she slid her chair closer to Clarke.

“Thanks. It means a lot. By the way, what’s your name anyway?” asked Clarke. “Lexa. My name is Lexa Woods. Yours?” she said sticking her hand out, only to pull it back when she noticed the arm restraints on Clarke.

“The name’s Clarke,” she said peering down at her arm. Clarke frowned as she saw the arm restraints latching her to her hospital bed.

“It’s so you don’t harm yourself again… the doctors just want to make sure you’re mentally stable,” stated Lexa with an empathetic look on her face.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine.”

“Okay maybe I’m not, but I’m not going to try to kill myself again.”

“And how can we know that?”

“Because I actually feel at ease for the first time in my life… I’m not really sure why. Ever since I laid my eyes upon you, I’ve just kind of seemed to have forgotten my problems.”

“Are you trying to hit on me or something?” asked Lexa with a satirical grin forming at the corners of her lips.

“No, no of course not. I’m just trying to open up a bit.”

“Well I am glad that you’re trying to open up to me, despite you not knowing me that well,” Lexa said with a smile as she lightly placed her hand on top of Clarke’s.

Hearing a sound coming from the door, both Clarke and Lexa turned their heads toward the noise. When the door opened, Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, and Bellamy entered; with Lincoln carrying a large vase of flowers.

“Hey Clarke. We heard what happened, so we came here to see you,” said Octavia as she motioned for Lincoln to set the flowers down on the bedside table.

“Hey,” said Clarke with a weak voice.

“I’ll give you guys some space,” Lexa said with a half-smile as she pulled her hand away from Clarke’s and exited the room.

As much as Clarke loved her friends, she really wished that Lexa hadn’t taken her hand off of hers or left the room. Even though she barely knew the girl, she loved the feeling of Lexa’s touch; the feeling of her soft, warm hands on hers.

“So how’s it going, Clarke?” asked Raven as she sat down in one of the chairs by her bed.

“Uh… Well I’m sitting here in a hospital bed with arm restraints on, so not so well I think,” replied Clarke sarcastically.

“Here, let me get those off for you,” said Octavia as she began reaching for the restraints.

“Abby will kill you if you take those off,” interrupted Bellamy.

“Speak of the devil,” said Raven, standing up from her chair as Abby opened the door and entered.

“Can we have some privacy, please?” requested Abby, looking at all of Clarke’s friends.

Upon Abby’s request, everyone filed out of the room and shut the door.

After pulling up a chair next to Clarke’s bed and sitting in a thoughtful silence for a few moments, Abby spoke: “Clarke… you really scared me. I thought I was going to lose you forever,” she said with tears welling up in her eyes. “I got a pager call to the ER and I was notified by my fellow doctors that a girl with your physical description was being admitted with deep cuts to the Radial Artery in your forearm. Luckily, with your friend’s quick action, you survived; and for that, I am very grateful."

Unable to speak, Clarke peered back down at her wrists as she felt the tears building up in her own eyes as well.

Looking back up at her mom’s face, Clarke’s voice cracked, “I’m sorry mom.”

Moving closer to Clarke, Abby wiped the tears from Clarke’s eyes. With a shaky voice, Abby looked into her eyes: “Don’t apologize, just promise me that you will never scare me like that again.”

“I won’t mom… I promise.”

Hearing those words from her daughter, she unfastened the arm restraints and pulled Clarke into a full embrace, being mindful as to not further injure her wrist lacerations.

Still in the tight embrace, Abby whispered into Clarke’s ear, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” said Clarke as she let go of Abby carefully.

“I’m going to let your friends back in here now… just call for me if you need me,” said Abby as she pulled away from Clarke and wiped the tears from her own eyes.

Upon opening the door, Clarke watched Abby talking to Raven about something in the hall, but she couldn’t exactly figure out what she was saying. After a few moments, her friends, including Lexa, filed back into the room.

“I assumed you were tired after this long day, so I went and got you some coffee from the waiting room. It’s not exactly hot, but it’s mostly warm,” said Raven with a smile as she handed Clarke the cup of coffee.

“Thank you… but I don’t know if I’m allow…”

“I cleared it with Abby, you can drink it,” chimed in Raven.

“Well, in that case then, bottoms up!” exclaimed Clarke as she tipped the cup of coffee upward and chugged it.

“God this coffee tastes like shit, but oh well. I’m thirsty,” said Clarke with laughter after she had finished the last bit of coffee in the cup.

“Thirsty now are ya?” asked Raven with a smirk.

“Raven, you’re such a fucking perv,” stated Clarke with a mock eye roll.

“You know it,” replied Raven with a wink through the laughter of the friend group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Still working out the final details for Chapter 4, but it should be up fairly soon. Again, be sure to let me know what you think in the comments section. Every bit of constructive criticism I can get helps me all the more to be a better writer.


	4. The Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes back to school for the first time since the incident... how will it go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my absence this month, as I have been practically loaded with schoolwork as this semester concludes. However, as a reward of your patience, I have made this chapter longer than my other ones. :^)  
> Enjoy!
> 
> \- J

\---------- October 8th, 2012 (Monday [Two Weeks Later]) ----------

“Clarke, wake up! School starts in 30 minutes!” yelled Abby up the stairs.

“Yeah yeah. I’ll be down in a sec!” yelled Clarke as she pulled the covers off of herself and sat up in the bed.

Stepping onto the cold, wooden floors of her bedroom, Clarke wrapped a blanket around herself and walked toward the bathroom. As she looked at her tired face in the mirror, Clarke turned on warm water in the sink and began to wash her face to wake herself up. After drying her face off and doing a few other things to get ready, she moved back toward her bedroom to get dressed and then went downstairs.

“I’m headed out, mom!” Clarke yelled across the house as she grabbed her backpack off of the table by the front door and stepped outside.

Clarke paused for a moment after walking outside and took in the chill of the cool autumn breeze. Typically Clarke disliked the cold weather, but today the frosty October air helped ease a bit of the lingering anxiety she had about returning to school. Feeling the frigid air nipping at her exposed skin, the blonde adjusted her scarf and began walking down the sidewalk toward the school.

***

_“You can do this. Just be normal and act like everything is fine. You do that every day anyways,”_ Clarke said to herself under her breath as she was walking toward the school doors.

As the doors started getting closer and closer, Clarke felt her heart rate and breathing begin to speed up.

_“Well, here goes nothing.”_

Entering the school building, Clarke scanned the hallways frantically. She felt a panic start to arise as she felt people staring at her. She could sense the multiple pairs of eyes watching her intensely.

_“Just walk to your locker. No one even knows you were gone.”_

Attempting to hide her face from everyone, Clarke opened her locker and stood close enough to where the locker door was hiding her. Because she was so lost in her own thoughts trying to gather her textbooks for her 1st period class, she didn’t notice the person approaching her.

“Clarke!”

Jumping at the sudden scare, Clarke accidentally hit her head against the locker.

“Ow! God dammit Raven!” exclaimed Clarke as she turned around to face Raven.

“Oh fuck! Did I scare you Griff? Sorry!”

“No, I was just lost in my own thoughts,” she answered irately, closing her locker and beginning to walk toward her class.

“Well Jesus, somebody’s in a bad mood,” Raven whispered under her breath as she jogged to catch up to her.

***

Stepping into the classroom, Clarke sighed and then proceeded to toss her backpack on the ground and sit in one of the desks in the back row.

“Alright dimwits listen up, today I’m assigning a research project on the evolution of stars for low-mass and high-mass stars. It’s due at this time next week, so go ahead and choose a partner to construct a power point with. After that, just open your textbooks to page 250 and read to 280. I expect all of this reading to be finished by the end of class,” instructed Mr. Kane with a cold expression as he sat down in his chair and began to grade assignments.

Turning toward Raven next to her, Clarke asked: “Partners?”

“It looks like you already have a partner.”

“What?”

Smirking, Raven motioned for Clarke to look to her right. As Clarke turned her head, her mouth almost dropped open when her eyes found a pair of gorgeous, long legs in black skinny jeans.

“See something you like?” the girl asked in a joking tone.

Looking up at her face, Clarke began to stutter when she witnessed the striking eyes of jade staring back down at her.

“No I… uh… I was just—“

“It’s okay, you don’t need to justify yourself. So, do you want to be my partner or not?” asked Lexa with a sarcastic smile and her hands on her hips.

“Err… Alright. Sure, let’s do it. Whose house?”

“We can go to my apartment. You can just come to my car after school in the parking lot and we can go.”

“Alright. Sounds awesome! Can’t wait.”

“Yup. Can’t wait either!” exclaimed Lexa as she began walking back to her seat.

“Duuuuude, she was totally eyefucking you!” Raven stated as she sucker punched Clarke in the arm.

“Ow! The hell was that for?”

“Clarke, she is clearly interested in you. You need to shoot your shot!”

“Hm. Yeah we’ll see about that,” said Clarke with an eye roll.

Turning back around, Clarke opened up her textbook and began to read the assigned pages. As she read the first few pages, she began to feel as if someone was watching her. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see Lexa observing her from the other side of the classroom. With a confused look, Clarke raised an eyebrow at her. Lexa, seeing that she had been caught staring, looked back down at her textbook in embarrassment. After waiting a few moments for Clarke to lower her gaze, Lexa looked back up at her, only to see her still watching her. In amusement, Clarke began making weird faces at Lexa, causing her to begin laughing aloud.

“Is there something you girls would like to share with the class?” Kane grumbled.

“Uh… no sir,” the two girls replied, looking back down at their textbooks.

“Good, then get back to reading before I write both of you up.”

***

After what seemed like ages, the first period bell finally rung. All that Lexa wanted to do was talk to Clarke. Seeing that Clarke was already leaving the class, Lexa gathered up her stuff and began swiftly pushing through the sea of students to catch up to her. She eventually caught up to her and followed her into the girls’ bathroom, but what she saw took her by surprise. Clarke was standing, looking at herself in the mirror, more frozen than Enceladus.

“Clarke, are you okay?”

_I was here just two weeks ago… ready to end it all. Why didn’t I just die?_

“Clarke?”

_Did I really deserve to be saved by her? I should have just died right then and there, but yet fate selected Lexa to be my saviour. Is that a sign?_

“I need to know that you’re alright. Can you speak?”

_What purpose do I actually have here? Clearly I must have some kind of purpose. The universe wouldn’t have spared me if I didn’t…_

“Clarke!” Lexa exclaimed, this time touching her arm.

Instantly snapping out of her daydream, Clarke looked over to Lexa with a panicked expression.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah… sorry. I was just thinking,” she replied, softening her expression.

“Oh, what about?”

“Just… stuff.”

“Okay… uh… So should we get to second period?”

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

***

After what felt like years, the dismissal bell rang. Excited to finally get to hang out with Lexa one-on-one, Clarke pulled out her phone:

_Clarke: Hey, where you at?_

_Lexa: I’m waiting by my car. I’m in the front row of parking spaces._

_Clarke: Alright. I’ll be there in a sec._

With a beaming smile on her face, Clarke grabbed her backpack and began walking toward the student parking lot.

“What are you all cheery about, Clarke?” smirked Bellamy as he stepped in front of her.

“Nothing… I’m just excited to go to Lexa’s to do this project.”

“Hmm… what ‘project’ are you referring to?” Bellamy said with his eyebrow raised and that same mischievous grin on his face.

“Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m referring to Mr. Kane’s project that he assigned!” replied Clarke, playfully shoving Bellamy.

“Hey guys, get over here! Clarke’s going to Lexa’s to ‘do a project’ with her,” Bellamy yelled to the rest of the friend group down the hall.

“What? Clarke, are you trying to get into her pants?!” joked Raven.

“No! We’re just friends!”

“Mhm… I bet,” Octavia interjected.

“Even if I really wanted to get in her pants, I’m definitely out of her league. She’s fucking gorgeous, and I’m… well… a potato.”

“Oh so you admit she’s gorgeous?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I have a crush on her.”

“Clarke you have a crush on her. You literally looked like you were about to cream your pants when she approached you in Kane’s class,” said Raven.

“Okay first of all, that’s gross. Secondly, I will be leaving now,” responded Clarke with a look of repugnance as she turned around to exit the school.

“Clarke!” shouted Raven.

“What?!” questioned Clarke, turning to face Raven.

“Have fun with your ‘project’,” teased Raven with a wink.

Rolling her eyes in mock annoyance, she continued walking toward the school parking lot. When she got to the lot, she immediately noticed Lexa in the distance leaning on the hood of her car, typing something on her phone. As Clarke approached, Lexa slid her phone into her pocket and adjusted her t-shirt as she stood up from the hood of the car.

“Ready?” she asked with a smile.

“Yup! Let’s blow this joint.”

***

After a few minutes of driving, the pair arrived at Lexa’s apartment complex. Unlocking the door to her apartment, Clarke and Lexa stepped inside of the apartment and turned on the lights. Despite its somewhat small size, the apartment was modernized and very open-concept. One interesting thing that Clarke noticed was the fact that there were candles practically everywhere. There were candles on the tables, candles on the counters, and even a few unopened candles on the shelves.

“Obsessed with candles much?” asked Clarke, raising her eyebrows in question.

“Okay maybe I do have a bit of an obsession with candles… don’t judge me.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not.”

“Hey Lexa, can you— Oh, who’s this?” asked a brunette girl with brown eyes as she walked into the room.

“This is my friend, Clarke. Clarke, this is my sister, Anya.”

“Pleasure meeting you!” exclaimed Clarke sticking her hand out.

“Same to you,” Anya coolly said in reply, hesitating to shake Clarke’s hand and eyeing her carefully.

“We can work on this project in my room and you can set your stuff down there if you want, Clarke.”

“Yeah, sure.”

When they reached Lexa’s room, she spoke as she placed her bags on the ground: “Sorry about my sister by the way, she’s a little… protective of me.”

“Yeah, she seemed to be very suspicious of me. It’s alright though. Natural older sibling instincts.”

“She’s just always been protective ever since things went awry with one of my past relationships, so Anya has been very guarding when it comes to me around other people. Watching out for toxic people.”

“Definitely understandable. I know what it’s like to be in a toxic relationship, so her protectiveness is 100 percent justifiable. Anyways, should we get to work on this project?”

“Sure thing! Only issue is that I have no idea where to even start. I know nothing about this subject.”

“Well, you’re in luck. I just so happen to be an astronomy know-it-all!”

***

“Well that was easier than I imagined. We’re going to totally ace this project,” stated Lexa, giving Clarke a high-five on the way back to the car.

“Yes we will indeed. All because of me, though,” Clarke joked.

“Oh yes definitely. All jokes aside though, I couldn’t have done it without your astronomical amount of expertise,” she replied as she turned the key in the ignition.

“Did you just make a pun?”

“Maybe I did.”

“Do me a favor and don’t make terrible jokes like that ever again,” Clarke said with laughter.

Throughout the car ride back to Clarke’s house, the two girls sat in a comfortable silence, accented by lighthearted music coming from the radio in the background. For some reason not revealed to her yet, Clarke seemed to feel butterflies in her stomach when she was around Lexa. That feeling of anxiety and butterflies intensified even more when she noticed that Lexa’s pinkie finger was barely touching hers on the center console in the car. Did she really not notice that her hand was touching hers? Or was it intentional? All of these thoughts and questions roamed freely inside of her mind as she stared out the car window, sparking a desire in Clarke to learn the deep, dark secrets of the elusive and mysterious Lexa Woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm still trying to come up with ideas for the next chapter, so if you have any ideas/critiques/suggestions, then make sure to let me know down in the comments section.


	5. Open Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is focused more on Lexa and delving a little bit into her story and her past. Enjoy! :)
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING***  
> References to violence, abuse, and PTSD/C-PTSD.

\---------- Thursday, October 11th, 2012 ----------

_“Titus, put the gun down!”_

_“Take one more god damned step Alexandria and I will put a bullet here in Anya’s head!”_

_“Lexa, please just get out of here. I don’t want you to have to watch me die.”_

_“Shut the hell up! She listens to me, not you!” screamed Titus as he hit the pistol against Anya’s head._

_“I said don’t touch my sister!” commanded Lexa, charging forward at Titus._

_Titus, seeing Lexa charging at him, quickly pointed the gun at Lexa and was about to pull the trigger when Anya jerked her head back and slapped the gun out of his hand, causing him to lose his balance and fall backwards._

_Once the gun hit the ground, it accidentally discharged, producing a noise that sounded like a thunderbolt striking a tree. Lexa, relieved that Titus no longer had his hands on the gun, suddenly sensed a harsh burning sensation and a feeling as if someone had just punched her hard in the abdomen. Looking down at the site of the painful sensation, she saw her stomach bleeding profusely and a large hole from where the bullet had entered. Peering up back at her sister, to her horror, Anya had disappeared and Clarke was standing there instead, her face covered with a look of dread. As she looked at her, Lexa realized that Clarke had somehow been shot as well._

_“Why didn’t you save me?” she said as tears rolled down her face._

_Lexa, rushing to grab Clarke and help her, was horrified when she witnessed her friend dissolve into thin air upon being touched._

_“Clarke!”_

The scare caused Lexa to quickly sit up in her bed and awaken from her nightmare, covered in a pool of sweat. Then, out of nowhere, the door to Lexa’s room bust open and Anya swiftly entered.

“Lexa, are you okay?! I heard you call out for someone. It sounded like you were dying or something.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just another nightmare,” she responded, gazing down at the scar on her stomach.

“Was it another dream about Titus?”

Lexa nodded her head.

_No, it wasn't just about Titus, it was about Clarke too this time..._

“Lex, I think you should seriously get some help with that. I’ve been doing research, and a lot of the nightmares and flashbacks you’ve been having are very visible signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

“I’ll be okay. I’ve been managing just fine for the past 3 years.”

“Look, managing is not enough, but I won’t argue with you about this right now. Just consider it please,” Anya responded, patting Lexa’s leg and standing up to walk back to her bedroom.

Lexa, deciding that she needed to clear her head, got out of bed and began getting ready for the day. Opening her closet, she pulled out a pair of tight exercise leggings and a t-shirt and put them on. After doing a few other things, she put on her shoes and hastily pulled her hair back into a ponytail and then proceeded to grab her phone off of the nightstand. Seeing it was already 5:50am, Lexa put her phone in her waistband and then stepped outside to begin her run. Usually going outside for a run would successfully clear her head, but this time, that nightmare seemed to continuously be on her mind. It’s not that she’s never had this dream before, because she has… many times at that. The only difference this time is that Clarke was in the dream.

Could this be foreshadowing her future? No way. That sounds way too crazy to be possible. It was probably just her imagination running wild as usual.

All she wanted to do in this moment is just go talk to Clarke and tell her everything. Her dreams, her traumatic childhood, all of her deep, dark secrets. She just needed someone there to listen to her, but Lexa was afraid of opening up. She was afraid that she would either scare Clarke away, or that Clarke would break her heart just like her ex Costia did. Poor Lexa hadn’t listened to her intuition, but instead followed her little baby gay heart and fell right for Costia. Her head knew it was a trap, but yet the heart kept wanting more, and she listened to it blindly. As an end result, she was left blindsided, left alone with open wounds. As much as her heart wanted Clarke, she could not follow it again, as it would place her in the same exact position that she was in before. The only way that she could survive is if she kept her walls up and thought with her head, not her heart.

After running for about a mile, she passed Arkadia diner. Lexa stopped cold in her tracks when she spotted Clarke sitting in a booth through the window.

Why would Clarke be out of her bed and in public this at this early of a time?

She was about to go in and say hello to Clarke when she noticed a dark-haired man sit down across from her. She’d seen him before at school, and he seemed pretty close with Clarke. Lexa remembered Clarke calling him “Bell” or “Bellamy” or something like that.

She hated the way that Clarke looked at him- the fact that she looked at Bellamy like he was some kind of god. Just the way that Clarke touched Bellamy’s forearm as she laughed at one of his jokes sickened Lexa to her core. She decided that she had made a good choice to follow her head instead of her heart. Even though she knew she was jealous of Bellamy and Clarke’s apparent relationship, she fully denied it. I mean, come on, it’s her life, so what business was it of Lexa’s to decide who she dates and who she doesn’t date?

Shaking the thoughts of Clarke and Bellamy out of her head, Lexa continued her morning run around Arkadia.

 After running a few miles, she arrived back at the apartment complex in just enough of a timely manner to grab her backpack and keys to get to school on time.

As she arrived at the school and parked, she unbuckled her seatbelt and was about to exit her vehicle when she saw Clarke walking toward the school about 40 yards in front of her. Not only did she see Clarke, but she also saw Bellamy walking alongside her as well.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me._

She waited for them to get into the school before she grabbed her own bags and headed inside.

Sighing, Lexa opened up her locker and began gathering her things for 1st period.

“Lexaaaaa! Hi!”

Turning to her right, she saw Clarke approaching her with a wide grin.

“Oh- Er- Hi.” Lexa responded, visibly dumbfounded by how stunning Clarke looked.

“Soo… I saw you running the block by the diner this morning, why didn’t you come in and see me?”

“Well I- I just assumed you were busy. I saw Bellamy in there with you so I didn’t want to get in the way of y’all’s date.”

“Date??” Clarke questioned, a smirk clearly visible on her face.

“Oh. I thought you and Bellamy were dating. You aren’t?”

“Ew no, he’s like a brother to me!”

“Oh wow, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry I assumed that…”

“No no, it’s alright. I promise. I wouldn’t date him even if I wanted to anyways, since I’m already seeing someone. Anyways, if we don’t get to class now, we’re gonna be late,” Clarke said as she grasped Lexa’s hand, practically dragging her behind her through the hallways.

_‘Seeing someone’…?!_

Once they reached the classroom, she let go of Lexa’s hand and sat in one of the desks.

As soon as Clarke let go of her hand, it made Lexa feel empty inside. She missed the contact. Her heart kept yearning for Clarke, but her head was telling her not to do it if she wanted to survive this life.

From the way she pronounced _‘Leksa’_ to the way that she would unconsciously bite her lip while talking to her, she loved everything about her. Okay, she had to admit, she was head-over-heels for this girl. However, there was no way she could open herself up like that. Lexa had so much pain that she kept inside. As much as she really wanted to, she just couldn’t find the courage to leave herself vulnerable again like she did Costia.

_Ugh, why does everything have to be so hard…?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you think below!


	6. Frozen Like a Deer in Headlights (Lexa)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is October 15th, 2012, the day Clarke and Lexa are to present their collaborative project. They may think they're prepared to present, but in actuality, they are definitely not prepared for what is to come...
> 
> *** TRIGGER WARNING***  
> Content including PTSD, school shootings (kinda), and light violence is present in this chapter. If any of this triggers you, I advise that you click off of this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me awhile to get this up. I've been quite busy this summer and had to rewrite this chapter like 3 times to get it how I like it. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: From now on, the story will be told in first person from each of our main character's perspectives. After the title of each chapter, I will put either Lexa or Clarke's name in parentheses to indicate whose perspective the chapter is told from.

\---------- Monday, October 15th, 2012 ----------

 

“Alrighty, today your projects on the evolution of stars are due. I was considering not making you guys present them, but then I thought, ‘You know what? I think I’d love to watch my students embarrass themselves in front of each other today,’ so in that case, who shall I pick to go first?”

_Fuck, I really hate presenting projects. I nearly forgot that this damn thing was due today._

“Let’s have Lex- no wait, let’s have Raven and Echo present their project first.”

“Thank God…” I sigh in relief.

Completely uninterested in any of these projects, I stick my earbuds in and put on my playlist at low volume.

“Now let’s have Lexa and Clarke present their project,” I barely hear Mr. Kane say.

From the moment he called us to present our project, I could feel my adrenaline pumping and my heart racing. As much as I don’t want to get up and walk to the front of the room, I know I have to. With reluctance, I take out my earbuds and slide them into my jeans pocket as I begin my death march to the front of the room. I look over to Clarke and my heart about jumps out of my chest when she shoots me a reassuring smile. I watch her as she loads up the powerpoint and I am about to speak when all of the sudden-

*BANG*

What the hell was that? Is that a gunshot?

I don’t even have time to process what just happened before I suddenly find myself back in my old home of broken memories, where my fucked-up childhood took place. I look around for Clarke, but she’s nowhere to be found. The only people here is myself, Anya, and Titus. It’s as if I am replaying the worst moment of my childhood.

I begin to panic.

This is not at all like my nightmares, in fact, it feels even more real. I’m forced to watch it like a movie, the moment that Titus points the gun at me. I can’t run away or scream or fight back, I’m just frozen like a deer in headlights. I observe as the gun slowly falls to the ground, dreading the moment where it discharges when all of the sudden I feel someone grab me from behind.

In surprise, my reflexes kick in and I jab the person behind me with my elbow. When I turn around to face the perpetrator, I notice Clarke laying on the ground, her face covered with confusion and distress.

_Oh my god, what have I done?_

Before I can even speak, I begin to bolt for the door, pushing aside the barricaded desks blocking my path.

“Lexa, don’t open that door!” I hear Mr. Kane yell.

_I don’t care, I have to get out of here NOW._

Before I manage to grab the door handle, someone forcefully pushes me away from it and then I feel my head hit something hard right before everything goes black.

*** 2:30pm ***

_What the hell?_

Somehow I’ve ended up in my bed. Did I fall asleep? Pass out?

_….._

_Oh. Now I recall what happened._

“Lexa, what happened?”

I jump, startled by the sudden voice.

“Jesus, Anya you scared me! And nothing happened.”

“Nothing, Lex?! I got a call from the school saying that you injured another student and then tried to escape the classroom during a false shooting? That’s nothing like you at all,” she says to me, sternness and concern apparent in her tone.

“False shooting?” I reply.

“Yes, False shooting. They just expelled a student about an hour ago for igniting fireworks inside of the school and causing mass panic, so it was not a gun. Anyways, that’s not what I’m concerned about right now. I’m concerned about what YOU did.”

“Okay, what about it?”

“Well, probably the fact that you began acting extremely paranoid after the sound, and then proceeded to injure your friend as you tried to escape the classroom, knowing there could have been a shooter lurking the halls. Why did you do that? That is not something you or a normal person would do. I told you, Lex, you need to let a therapist help you! You’re getting worse.”

“I’m fine.”

“Stop being so stubborn! You are not fine and you can’t keep denying it like this!”

“Fine! God! I’ll go to a therapist and I will try it out. No promises on me staying, however.”

“Fair enough. I’ll make an appointment with Dr. Glassman. He’s the therapist I go to,” she replies to me as she leaves the room.

_“Jesus Christ.”_ I whisper as I allow myself to fall back onto my bed.

After a few minutes of lying on the bed in silence, I hear my text notification go off. Grabbing my phone, I view my notifications:

 

_Clarke (2:31pm): Hey, are you alright? You hit your head quite hard there on that desk. (1/2)_

_Clarke (2:32pm): Also, sorry for what happened in class today. I thought you were just panicking or something, so I tried to calm you down, but I guess I did something wrong. Just know that if you need someone to talk to this about, I’m always here for you. (2/2)_

 

_“Oh no, now she’s blaming this whole predicament on herself. Dammit, what have I done?”_ I think to myself, running my hands through my hair in frustration and shutting off my phone, tossing it to the side of me.

*** 1:30am ***

I can’t sleep. It’s not that this is unusual, cause I usually don’t get any more than 5 hours of sleep a night, but that’s usually because I’m full of energy. Tonight, however, I’m exhausted. The only issue is that I guess I’m too traumatized and guilted to fall asleep. I can’t rest my eyes for one second thinking that I probably scared Clarke away by letting her see part of the real me. I simply cannot get that image out of my mind of her on the floor from where I knocked her down, blaming herself for the entire thing. I have no choice but to open up to her now, to explain what happened today.

Reaching for my phone on the other side of the bed, I open iMessage and begin typing:

 

_Lexa (1:34am): Clarke, don’t blame yourself for any of this. I should be the one apologizing for elbowing you. I’m honestly so sorry for doing that. Idk what as even going through my head in that moment. Also, speaking of heads, my head is indeed alright. It hurts a little, but I popped some Advil to relieve the pain. ;)_

_Clarke (1:40am): I’m so glad you’re alright.- And you’re forgiven btw. <3 _

_Lexa (1:43am): Hey… um do you want to meet at the Arkadia Diner to talk? I can’t sleep._

_Clarke (1:44am): Of course! Meet in 20?_

_Lexa: (1:44am): Sounds good._

 

Oh boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope you liked this chapter. Again, sorry for my absence, I've been wayyy busy with finishing up school, completing driver's ed, working on college class enrollment, etc. Anyways, do make sure to let me know what you think! :D


	7. Confronting the Past (Lexa)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally opens up to Clarke and confronts her past. How will it go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I've been absent for over a month, I know. I have no excuse, however, I think you will enjoy this chapter that took me ages to write. ;)

I am at loss for words. I want to be able to open up and share my story with Clarke, but nothing will seem to come out. It’s obvious that she sees my internal struggle, as the look of pity is clearly plastered across her beautiful face.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready to open up. You don’t have to tell me anything until you’re ready,” I hear Clarke say.

“No, I- I’m ready to. I’ve spent my whole life hiding away from people, and I need to break the streak. I trust you as my friend.”

I barely spot Clarke wince as I say the word ‘friend.’

_???_

“Oh where do I start….”

After I spend some time and think for a few moments, I take a deep breath and begin to share.

“The reason why I lashed out like that in class was because I had a traumatic event- or should I say a series of traumatic events when I was younger.”

I feel Clarke reach across the table and take my hands in hers, attempting to comfort me.

“My mother, from the time I was born, had always been an alcoholic. I never knew my real father, but I did have a step-father named Titus, and oh boy did I hate him. He was just as bad with alcohol as she was, but he was a violent drunk. Even when he was sober, he’d harm anybody in his path until he could find his next drink.”

“When my mom wasn’t drunk, she would defend us against his brutal attacks and beg for him to stop, but she never seemed to care enough about us or our well-being to leave him, or even try to stop drinking for that matter. Eventually, her bad habit caught up to her when I found her in the living room, so horribly intoxicated that she had stopped breathing. I tried to save her, but she was already gone...”

It was hard to watch Clarke trying to hold back tears as I told her all about my fucked-up childhood. I had to try even harder to hold in my own tears. I had to be strong.

“Of course, Titus, without having at least somewhat of a voice of reason, became way more violent and destructive, eventually getting to the point where he threatened me with a gun pressed against Anya’s temple.”

“After that occurred, Anya and I took our belongings and moved here to get away from him. I don’t know where or how he is today, but I just sure hope he never finds us,” I say, feeling violently ill from even the idea of Titus being back in my life.

I see Clarke move as if she’s about to say something, but then she just sits back in silence, rendered completely speechless.

After a long pause, she speaks, tears welled up in both of our eyes: “You are unbelievably strong for making it through that, Lex. I never knew that someone as confident and beautiful as you could hold such a dark past. I feel very honored that you trust me enough to be able to tell me things like that… and if that past ever comes back to haunt you, or if you need anything, please just tell me and I’ll be there for you.”

“Thank you... I was afraid that my dark past and issues would make you run away… but I underestimated you. You really are a true friend,” I say.

“Lex, there’s nothing you could say that would drive me away. We all have our own demons.” she says with a smile as she squeezes my hands a little bit.

“Anything else you wanna talk about?” Clarke asks as she takes her hands off of mine, leaving my hands cold and craving her contact.

“No, this is all that I really needed to get off of my chest. I need to get back to my house anyways if I want to get any sleep at all. Again, thank you for listening to me. You’re an amazing friend,” I say to Clarke, beginning to get up from the booth.

“Do you need a ride back to your house? I noticed that you jogged here. You must at least be tired of running around, especially at like 3am.”

“I suppose I’ll just have to take you up on that offer,” I reply.

“Awesome. My car’s parked over here.”

As we get in the car and start it up, Clarke hooks up her phone to the radio and begins playing Marvin Gaye from her playlist.

_How does she know I love Marvin Gaye? Or does she just like his music too?_

Throughout the car ride, I see her glancing over at me out of my peripheral vision. Of course, I don’t think anything of it.

 

\-----

 

Once we get to my apartment complex, I move to step out of the car, when out of the blue:

“Lexa, wait!”

I feel Clarke grab my wrist and turn me around to face her, but before I can have time to respond, her lips are on mine.

_!!!_

I am taken by surprise initially, but then I deepen the kiss, passionately brushing my lips against hers. I wish this moment would last forever. For once, I feel elated and almost as if I could be in love. I feel her hand caress my face before she finally pulls away, both of our faces flush with euphoria.

At this point, I don’t even know what to say or how to respond. We just look into each other's eyes for the longest time. After what seems to be forever, I say “Well…  I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow” and then shut the car door.

Walking back to my apartment, I replay the previous encounter in my mind, instantly cringing by how awkward I sounded leaving her car.

Opening the door and walking to my bedroom, I hear Anya shuffle into the kitchen, probably to interrogate me.

“Where have you been? It’s literally almost 4am,” Anya asks me.

“Oh, sorry. I was just with Clarke.”

“You better watch yourself around girls like her. I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”

“‘Girls like her?’ What’s that supposed to mean? Also, I’m an adult. I can handle myself, thanks.”

“Look, I’m just trying to protect you. I don’t want you getting hurt again."

"Well, I don't need your protection, but thanks sis," I respond sarcastically, turning away from her and walking back to my bedroom.

_Protect me? I’m the one that's been protecting her for all of her life… does she really not think I can handle myself?_

As I step into my bedroom, I put on my night clothes and slide into my bed, knowing damn well that I wont be sleeping.


End file.
